Arsene Wenger joined Arsenal in 1996 and since then over 20 players have scored hattricks in the first 20 years of his reign; Danny Welbeck was the 20th in 2014 but other players have also scored hattricks after him including Lucas Perez who netted Arsenal's Fastest UCL Hattrick away to help the Gunners qualify to the 2017 Champions League 2nd Round top of their group on Super Tuesday 6th December 2016. We have witnessed four goals in a game for instance Henry against Leeds United, Arshavin and Baptista against Liverpool but will not include them because nothing beats a good old neat hattrick as an achievement in a game; no wonder the scorer gets to keep the ball! So here are my Top 10 picks in order of priority; they do not necessarily show the selection of other Gooners but still my ultimate opinion. I wish I could fit in Sylvain Wiltord's Carling Cup hattrick against Manchester United or Carlos Vela's funday, but maybe in the Top 20.
10. Theo WALCOTT: I had just returned from my paternal ancestral village in Tara, less than one hour by car from Arua Town (Uganda) and before reaching home, I stopped by Adraiga's Video Hall in Ociba Coast [Kost] at dusk to watch the Arsenal Match of the Day. Already fatigued by the journey, I was further unsettled by Newcastle United's resilience. Everytime we scored, the visitors equalised until 3-3. I wondered if it was going to be a bad day though rarely did we lose nor draw everytime I visited my ancestral home. Supersub Olivier Giroud came on to bang in a brace late, guess one was for his wife because he put the ball under his shirt like a pregnant woman. He literally brought back my belief that we would win but the icing on the cake that night was Walcott's hattrick. His third goal was a mazy run that included a fall after being tripped in the box but was not given as a penalty. That moment of uncertainty froze the opponents as they waited for the referee's decision but Theo got up immediately and blasted into the top left corner at 90 minutes: Arsenal 7, Newcastle 3.
9. Dennis BERGKAMP: I never watched this game (which took place a year before I became a Gooner) but it is the one that apparently got Dennis his statue outside the Emirates. I have nevertheless marvelled at highlights of his third goal: fantastic technique controlling the ball in mid air, then rounding a Leicester City defender before slotting home for the First Hattrick by a Gunner under Wenger. The Foxes later equalised for 3-3 but it doesn't matter, it was a good third goal. That skilful strike was like a precursor to the 1998 World Cup quarterfinal against Argentina, voted Best Goal by pundits. The Menace just seemed to have a knack for classic goals. In Uganda, people called him "muzeyi wa kazi" which is Swahili for old workman because of his longevity under Wenger till the curtains closed on Highbury in 2006.
8. Alexis SANCHEZ: His first Arsenal hattrick came earlier but on 3rd December 2016 in his third season at the club, three days after Southampton knocked the Wenger Boys out of the EFL (English Football League) Cup, he scored another against the same tormentors. Guess he was done accumulating many braces and wanted to stay graduated in the elite class of hattrick legends. London Stadium must have felt proud witnessing greatness. I love Arsenal for late goals [roger that Cesc Fabregas in 2007 every last ten minutes] but I guess West Ham was not ready for this hammering from Alexis in the last 19 minutes. The Chilean's third was just funny, even had the luxury to dummy the keeper with a right foot dance over the ball before chipping him: 5-1 to the Gunners
7. Ray PARLOUR: European nights do not get better than this, how about a hattrick in a cold venue away from home during March 2000?! The left Werder Bremen goal post came in handy twice but a goal is a goal and Parlour was happy to help his side progress to the next stage of the UEFA Cup. They eventually lost to Galatasary from Turkey on penalties after a goalless draw in the 2000 Final but it was an unforgettable way to start a great decade under Wenger.
6. Mesut ÖZIL: Ludogorets defended and played what they could at the Emirates but six pack Arsenal was just too good for them. German Gunner Mesut Özil in particular seemed to switch on a new gear as the game neared its end; it was his first hattrick and an undeniable statement that his season is going to sizzle. Özil has already scored so many goals this 2017 season that you forget how he used to be Europe's Assist Master. Now everyone else is assisting him, guess karma comes back around!
5. Olivier GIROUD: After a 2-3 home loss where goals flowed like a broken drainage line, Arsenal had to win the return leg in Olympiacos by three goals without reply in order to qualify in second place from Group F to the next round of the 2016 Champions League. It was a big mountain to climb but out of the blue, Oli scored a hattrick, his first competitive hattrick for Arsenal. The Frenchman's actual first Arsenal hattrick came during a pre-season tour but it is not counted and neither was it his last because he bagged another in the Premiership at the end of the season. Sometimes I wonder why fans complain about him, you just have to understand this guy. He knows the game and he plays it to his strengths; am glad one of his goals was a power header. Who else does it better than Giroud? Not even Messi nor Cristiano can head like him. Giroud is a good man, comeback Gunner, supersub!
3. Robin VAN PERSIE: Who said Wenger cannot beat Chelsea? When nemesis Mourinho was first fired from Arsenal's blue London neighbours, time was ripe to finally steal a win away. It's like that day in the 2012 season, Stamford Bridge hattrick hero Robin - the non flying Dutchman (he hated planes) put on his Batman shoes for the 33rd hattrick under Wenger though only the 17th Gunner. Everything just clicked for him; meanwhile Petr Cech couldn't stop his future club from a 3-5 away win. What made this game a novelty for me was the fact that Arsenal came from behind twice and went on weeks later to set the record as the first Premiership team to win four consecutive matches after conceding first. Van Persie's roof-aimed swerving goal was truly ferocious! That season, he became the Player with the record of scoring in the Most Consecutive Away Games (9).
2. Thierry HENRY: In the Unbeaten Season, the game that really defined the history making campaign for me was hosting Liverpool at Highbury. After being knocked out by Manchester United away in the FA Cup during the weekend then Chelsea at home in the Champions League during midweek, it was not rocket science nor nanobiology to see that the Kop had the pedigree to inflict Arsenal's first Premiership loss at the end of a very dark week. It was late in the season but the signs still seemed ominous, invincibility was the only thing left to lose. Good Friday could have easily turned into Black Friday: Liverpool scored first early on but Henry equalised. Then before halftime, Michael Owen netted for 1-2 bringing back memories of the FA Cup demons from three years behind. According to Robert Pires in his book "Le Proffeseur", Arsene Wenger spoke nothing in the dressing room at halftime. Instead, Captain Patrick Vieira rallied his teammates not to choke after coming all that way, "Lads, it's time to snap out of it..." Whatever happened next is fitting for a movie script! See you at the cinemas one day! Thierry Henry is the Gunner with the Most Hattricks under Wenger (8) though Ian Wright who retired in 1998 had 11 in total since 1991. There are only three other Gunners better than them: Jack Lambert and Jimmy Brain with 12 plus Ted Drake with 11. Thierry Henry, the Invincible King of Highbury was the Last Gunner to score a hattrick at the grounds that closed in 2006. The first Highbury hattrick was scored by Henry (Harry) King in 1914; it's almost like destiny called the names.
1. Nwankwo KANU: Stamford Bridge hattricks seem to be my favourite. Anyway, I watched this 23rd October 1999 game courtesy of MBI (a Nigerian TV) till halftime because power went off in our Kampala suburb. Honestly, the hosts outplayed us and went two goals ahead. Chelsea's Andre Flo was my Man of the Half before the blackout - loadshedding. I did not search to find out the final score until the following night while watching Sports News. My mother was crotcheting in the opposite sofa and I screamed with hands raised up after seeing 2-3 as the final score from the previous night; she must have wondered what was wrong with her 15 year old son. It was the beanpole Nigerian who had turned the game on its head as a substitute in the last 15 minutes. I had only been a Gooner since Saturday 16th May 1998 after returning from Boarding School a day before the 100th FA Cup Final so my passion for Arsenal was still young and fresh in the last year before the new millenium. Let the rain fall down and wake my dreams!
The 2017 Goal Of The Season: GIROUD v Crystal Palace [2-0 Premiership Home Win, Sunday 1st January 2017]
"Arsenal got five breaking here. Sanchez, behind Giroud, oh! [Oh!] He's come up with it! What a Chance early on, what about this?! [You've just taken my Commentary from the other Month, you'd never thought you'd see something like this again. It actually looked, it's higher, it's more difficult probably than Mkhitaryan's; Mkhitaryan's was incredible, this is frightening! Oh my gosh, what is that? Instinctive, you'd have to say it's brilliant; Giroud is fantastic again across the near Post! He doesn't normally finish them like that but that's absolutely incredible. What a Goal!] Palace stung by the Scorpion, applied by Olivier Giroud. [Let's have another Look! Wow!] You'll never get tired of seeing it whatever the Angle, he won't; it's on his personal DVD for the Rest of his Life..."
What Do Gooners Want?
I guess all Gooners [including me] want Trophies, but I feel for Arsenal Followers who rant Negatives on Social Media everytime the Gunners lose a Game. Within the 40 Years before Arsene Wenger, Arsenal FC had won 3 English League Titles and 3 FA Cups. However, 20 Years into the Frenchman's Management of the Club, Arsenal won 3 Premierships [including the golden 2004 Invincible Trophy] plus 6 FA Cups making him the Most Successful FA Cup Manager in Football History's Oldest Knockout Tournament. I've been a Gooner since the 1998 FA Cup Final and know how it feels when Arsenal loses because it has happened so many unwanted Times but am very glad I grew out of Frustration Mode in 2002 after swearing with a Bible in my Hand never to support Arsenal again when they drew 3-3 at Home on a Premiership Saturday. Endless Love is irresistable; by the following Midweek, I was celebrating a 3-1 Champions League Win. Eventually, I accepted that losing was Part of the Game: Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, othertimes you draw; but you can enjoy the Goals like a Diehard! A Trophy is just an empty Cup. There is a very very very thin Line between being a Fan and a Critic; you have to live through the Pain, it will always come whether you want it or not. What matters is how you respond to Losses; complaining all the Time is a wack Mentality! I don't really care about Premiership Losses anymore even if they used to hurt because I learnt that within Days, there is always Vindication; the Cycle is so monotonously predictable that you wish all the other Gooners who cannot shut up could see that. In fact, two Hours after a Loss, am usually back to normal unlike in the Past when I would think for one week about how Arsenal could have avoided Defeat. Be good to yourself and just move on; wait for the Next Match, there will be Double Happiness! I love Arsenal with all my Heart and it's only Losses in Cup Finals that matter to me because it takes more than two Months to try again and these include: 2000 UEFA Cup Final, 2001 FA Cup Final [I actually looked up to the Sky while returning Home from a Friend's Place in Bukoto and cussed GOD out but apologised immediately when I looked back down at the Community Wellspring on my left and realised that HE had the Power to kill me in it and let Worms consume me like Ananias and Sapphirah], 2006 UEFA Champions League, 2007 League Cup Final, 2010 League Cup Final, etc...
1997 NBA Finals Game 1: Utah Jazz at CHICAGO BULLS:
"It's gonna be whoever has the Ball last. Chicago's gotta be concerned, Folks! Stockton, off the Dribble; Stockton, top of the key; Stockton, chucks one and missed it, one Rebound Malone. Malone's gat it, 9 Seconds. There's a loose-Ball Foul, it's on Rodman. That puts Karl Malone on the Line with the Game tied at 82. Malone, now with the first Freethrow, takes his Time, the Crowd fretting behind the Glass. No, he missed it; it rimmed out. Now the Bulls have an Opportunity! One more for Karl Malone, 9 Seconds left in this Game. Just make sure you follow through and don't short-arm it. He misses, you gat to get this Rebound, Malone! Oh, he missed the Board, rebounded by Jordan and the Bulls have the Time Out. Bulls get a last Chance, 7 and 5 tenths left! What do you think Phil Jackson is thinking about, will it automatically be Michael Jordan? I think it will go to Michael Jordan and then let him create. Bulls Basketball with a Chance to win it right here! Kukoc has got the Ball, in-bounce from Pippen and here is Michael. 4 on the Shot Clock now, keeps it on the Dribble, Russell's there. MJ, top of the Circle against Russell, Michael hangs, fires, scores! Yeah! He knocked it in, the Bulls win, he knocked it in at the Buzzer, Bulls win. How many Times has he done that? It is all over, the Chicago Bulls have won at the Buzzer! 84:82..."
My 2014 Poem: HOWEDES One Win The World Cup in Brazil?
If you pass the Ball LOEW, then you SCHUERRLE find MUELLER and when he connects with OEZIL, you get KLOSE to the Goal which you GOETZE to score and win the World Cup. A-LAHM Bells MUSTAFI be ringing back Home in Germany as PER now: Deutschland are the brand NEUER Champions! Maybe they will celebrate with a BOATENG Cruise on the Atlantic Ocean or PODOLSKI-ing when they GOMEZ back to Europe. Some die Mannschaft Fans all over the World will eat Pork like a SCHWEINSTEIGER...
